1
00:00:06,312 --> 00:00:09,987
Hey, bettors, gambling's
now legal in every state,
2
00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:11,256
except the lame ones.
3
00:00:11,256 --> 00:00:13,159
But in the sport
of sports-betting,
4
00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:15,230
you got to sport-bet
responsibly.
5
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:16,901
So, remember to follow
these three rules.
6
00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:19,105
Stick with the game plan,
7
00:00:19,105 --> 00:00:21,276
unless you're down a lot
at halftime.
8
00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:23,280
ANNOUNCER: If you suffer
from gambling addiction,
9
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,484
wait until the season is over,
and then call:
10
00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:33,901
Thank you, football.
11
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,605
I almost forgot
to bet on the game.
12
00:00:35,605 --> 00:00:38,109
TV SPORTSCASTER:
With the Atoms down 42 to zero,
13
00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:40,648
we are officially
in garbage time, folks.
14
00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:43,220
Our only viewers left
are degenerate gamblers
15
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,658
who've placed
longshot gimmick bets.
16
00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:48,096
HOMER: You got to lose money
to make money.
17
00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:50,535
If either team
scores any points,
18
00:00:50,535 --> 00:00:52,939
we'll be eating
name-brand ramen tonight.
19
00:00:52,939 --> 00:00:56,379
Let's go, either team!
Any points! Any points!
20
00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:57,749
TV SPORTSCASTER: As the seconds
tick off the clock,
21
00:00:57,749 --> 00:01:01,122
the Molecules are going
for a meaningless field goal
22
00:01:01,122 --> 00:01:02,993
to humiliate the home team.
23
00:01:02,993 --> 00:01:05,197
Yes, yes, humiliate us.
24
00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:06,634
Come on, lucky ring.
25
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,171
You tricked Marge into staying
with me, you can do this.
26
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,207
TV SPORTSCASTER:
And the kick is good.
27
00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:12,913
The Atoms lose 45 to zero.
28
00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:15,551
Woo-hoo! You did it, points.
29
00:01:16,921 --> 00:01:18,591
D'oh!
30
00:01:20,662 --> 00:01:22,164
(grunting)
31
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:25,805
Okay, my ring's got to be
down here somewhere.
32
00:01:28,476 --> 00:01:30,314
Man, I got to get a handyman.
33
00:01:30,314 --> 00:01:32,619
We used to have the greatest
guy, what was his name?
34
00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,422
Dave? Darryl?
35
00:01:37,996 --> 00:01:40,233
(ghostly cackling)
36
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,204
(gasps) Is that a ghost?
37
00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:45,243
If so, that means
the afterlife is real,
38
00:01:45,243 --> 00:01:47,549
which would free me
from my fear of death.
39
00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:49,586
(gasps) Please be a ghost.
(gasps)
40
00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,824
The ring.
41
00:01:51,824 --> 00:01:53,126
Huh? Another the ring?
42
00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:54,295
(hisses)
43
00:01:54,295 --> 00:01:55,464
(screams) Polecat!
44
00:01:55,464 --> 00:01:58,638
Okay, little skunk,
everything's cool.
45
00:01:58,638 --> 00:02:02,277
I'll just back away calmly,
leave you alone,
46
00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:04,816
and hire someone to kill you.
47
00:02:04,816 --> 00:02:06,219
(soft footsteps)
48
00:02:06,219 --> 00:02:07,989
- (both hiss)
- (gasps) More.
49
00:02:07,989 --> 00:02:11,730
- (hissing)
- It's a stink of skunks.
50
00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:14,135
(whimpering)
51
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:16,573
Marge, kids, remember me
how I used to smell,
52
00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:19,145
not as the horrible stench
I'm about to become.
53
00:02:19,145 --> 00:02:22,418
I love you all,
to varying degrees.
54
00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:24,255
(screams)
55
00:02:24,255 --> 00:02:26,894
Ooh, my ring. (screams)
56
00:02:26,894 --> 00:02:29,365
(both laugh)
57
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:32,438
This is my new
desert island show.
58
00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:35,645
All right, turn around
and spread 'em.
59
00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:41,022
Ow! Oh. (laughs)
60
00:02:41,022 --> 00:02:42,859
Ooh. Ow!
61
00:02:42,859 --> 00:02:44,161
More, please.
62
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,301
Ew, caramba!
63
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,073
Shouldn't you throw
those clothes out?
64
00:02:50,073 --> 00:02:51,476
Rather than clean them?
65
00:02:51,476 --> 00:02:53,246
Don't rob me of the one part
66
00:02:53,246 --> 00:02:55,785
of your dad getting
skunk-sprayed I enjoy.
67
00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:58,924
All I need is this pillowcase
and my secret ingredients.
68
00:03:06,439 --> 00:03:08,944
Wow, that took care
of the skunk smell
69
00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:10,313
and the Homer smell.
70
00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:12,184
That's amazing, Mom.
71
00:03:12,184 --> 00:03:14,188
How did you learn to do that?
72
00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:15,758
Years of practice.
73
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:19,699
Your father has brought home
so many different smells.
74
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:29,218
This bag cleans them all.
75
00:03:29,218 --> 00:03:31,422
Wow, an innovation like this
76
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:33,561
could really better
the lives of people
77
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,365
who don't have access
to washing machines.
78
00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:38,136
Ooh, like the homeless?
79
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:39,639
You mean unhoused.
80
00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:40,775
I do?
81
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,887
How come all of these
pillowcases are blue?
82
00:03:46,887 --> 00:03:50,427
I think it's from my hair.
Not that I dye my hair.
83
00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:53,801
It's natural. It's just such
a vibrant natural blue that...
84
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,974
It's okay, Mom.
The blue's a nice touch.
85
00:03:59,111 --> 00:04:00,581
It's a cleaning bag.
86
00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:03,386
You shake your dirty clothes
in it, and they come out fresh.
87
00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:05,758
Oh. Oh, you're already doing it.
88
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,298
Ah, hot diggity.
89
00:04:09,298 --> 00:04:11,235
I can finally get
my old job back
90
00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:14,743
as a stock image model
for "man in suit."
91
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:21,422
Wow, them-there blue bags
are impressive.
92
00:04:21,422 --> 00:04:23,259
Can I give it a try?
93
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:30,140
That bag of yours finally
cleaned my black hat.
94
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,375
Yee-haw!
95
00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:34,315
Let me contribute $100
to your cause,
96
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,119
a Texas penny.
97
00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:38,022
So, what's the name
of your charity?
98
00:04:38,022 --> 00:04:39,726
Oh, we don't have a charity.
99
00:04:39,726 --> 00:04:42,297
I guess you can
make it out to me.
100
00:04:42,297 --> 00:04:45,638
Uh, you see, this is money
I want to deduct
101
00:04:45,638 --> 00:04:47,709
while avoiding capital gains.
102
00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:51,850
So, I can only contribute
to a charitable foundation.
103
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:54,321
A 501-C-HAW.
104
00:04:54,321 --> 00:04:56,660
(gasps) We should become
an actual charity.
105
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,831
Think of how many
more people we would help.
106
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,235
Doesn't that involve
a lot of paperwork?
107
00:05:01,235 --> 00:05:02,739
You're in luck, little lady.
108
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:06,580
I got me my accountant
right here.
109
00:05:07,649 --> 00:05:11,322
Golly. Here's your articles
of incorporation, ma'am.
110
00:05:11,322 --> 00:05:13,561
What do you want to call
that-there charity?
111
00:05:13,561 --> 00:05:16,332
Hmm... Why not call it...
112
00:05:16,332 --> 00:05:19,305
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation.
113
00:05:19,305 --> 00:05:20,741
Really?
114
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:23,614
It was your passion for change
that got us here.
115
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,718
I just threw some powder
in a bag.
116
00:05:25,718 --> 00:05:28,189
Here's my charitable deduction.
117
00:05:28,189 --> 00:05:30,628
I mean donation. I mean both.
118
00:05:30,628 --> 00:05:33,199
I love anything
that gets me out of taxes.
119
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,368
Texas?
120
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,907
No, taxes. I hate taxes,
121
00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:38,711
but I love Texas
122
00:05:38,711 --> 00:05:42,451
'cause folks in Texas
love Texas and hates taxes.
123
00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:45,691
No taxing's what Texans
stand for.
124
00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:51,335
We're a charity!
125
00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:53,106
BOTH:
Yee-haw!
126
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:55,978
- Yee-haw.
- Yee-haw, indeed.
127
00:06:00,555 --> 00:06:03,326
I used to ride the rails,
but 'cause of you,
128
00:06:03,326 --> 00:06:06,967
I traded in my bindle
for a briefcase.
129
00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:10,340
We're really making a difference
in people's lives.
130
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:11,643
Even Crazy Cat Lady.
131
00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,983
She's giving walking tours
of Springfield now.
132
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:17,889
(mumbling)
133
00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:20,528
(cats yowling)
134
00:06:20,528 --> 00:06:22,832
- (cameras clicking)
- (group aahing)
135
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,370
Lisa, can you run over
to the market
136
00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:27,575
and get some more baking soda?
137
00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:30,681
Wait, we're using
Hand and Armor Baking Soda?
138
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:34,522
That company is the worst.
They support child labor.
139
00:06:34,522 --> 00:06:37,962
Even some of their
top executives are children.
140
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:41,135
MARGE: But the smiley hand
on the box is so cute.
141
00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:43,908
Our foundation only succeeds
if we're doing good
142
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:44,876
every step of the way.
143
00:06:44,976 --> 00:06:47,649
We have to make sure that
every ingredient we use
144
00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:51,122
is ethically sourced,
even if it costs a little more.
145
00:06:51,122 --> 00:06:52,625
Well, I can help with that.
146
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:54,663
I put the "fun mom"
147
00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:58,169
in the
"fundraising thermometer."
148
00:06:58,169 --> 00:06:59,906
(groans) Mom puns?
149
00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:02,377
I got to wash that
out of my ears.
150
00:07:02,377 --> 00:07:05,350
(grunting)
151
00:07:05,350 --> 00:07:06,987
Okay, while you're
raising money,
152
00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:10,393
I'll scour the world
for fair-trade, carbon-negative,
153
00:07:10,393 --> 00:07:12,632
conflict-free ingredients.
Dad can take me.
154
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,305
Oh, that sounds terrible.
155
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,076
Oh, it's even worse.
156
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:20,715
I've got a good feeling about
the baking soda manufacturer
157
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:22,986
at the top of this mountain.
158
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:26,860
Oh, why can't anything good ever
be at the bottom of a mountain?
159
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:30,601
Our baking soda is actually
generated through meditation.
160
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:32,605
Every ten boxes we make,
161
00:07:32,605 --> 00:07:34,976
a new monk
reaches enlightenment.
162
00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:42,391
Oh, my God, I finally understand
the plot of Inception.
163
00:07:42,391 --> 00:07:44,929
Now to ponder Tenet.
164
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,403
LISA:
Oh...
165
00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:51,242
(sniffs) This is
the first empty fridge
166
00:07:51,242 --> 00:07:52,344
I've ever liked.
167
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:53,847
(sniffs)
168
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:57,020
Oh, I'll take it.
How much is it?
169
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,458
We don't believe
in worldly possessions,
170
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:02,497
so you won't have any
after you buy it.
171
00:08:02,497 --> 00:08:04,969
(whistles)
172
00:08:06,038 --> 00:08:07,174
(phone whooshes)
173
00:08:09,278 --> 00:08:10,380
(phone whooshes)
174
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:11,550
Show your support
175
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:14,421
for the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation.
176
00:08:14,421 --> 00:08:15,825
Hey, this corner belongs
to the Salvation Army.
177
00:08:15,825 --> 00:08:18,496
Give me that tin
and get out of here.
178
00:08:18,496 --> 00:08:20,367
Unless you'd like
to donate blood.
179
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,872
(bell rings)
180
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:26,178
Oh, Marge, that was terrible.
181
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,550
Who knew a religious nonprofit
182
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,588
could be so "holier than thou"?
183
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:34,428
As a pillar of the community,
a doctor's wife,
184
00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:36,298
I know the secret
185
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:38,436
to running a successful charity.
186
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:40,808
Ooh, can you tell it to me?
187
00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,647
Even better,
I can sing it to you.
188
00:08:43,647 --> 00:08:45,785
Um... I'm good, actually...
189
00:08:45,785 --> 00:08:49,592
♪ It's time to stop
thinking small ♪
190
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:52,064
♪ You got to dress up
like an heiress ♪
191
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,602
♪ But what's the point
of this fancy ball? ♪
192
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,472
♪ Why, dear,
to raise awareness ♪
193
00:08:56,472 --> 00:08:59,813
♪ Your charity
has to stand out ♪
194
00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:02,685
♪ From all the other ones
with their hand out ♪
195
00:09:02,685 --> 00:09:04,923
♪ Sadly, I'm a little squarish ♪
196
00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:07,227
♪ Honey, you need
to get more garish ♪
197
00:09:07,227 --> 00:09:10,033
♪ There's no better way
to show compassion ♪
198
00:09:10,033 --> 00:09:12,605
♪ Than trotting out
a few Kardashians ♪
199
00:09:12,605 --> 00:09:14,976
♪ Don't mean to sound like
I'm giving orders ♪
200
00:09:14,976 --> 00:09:18,884
♪ But destroy those
Doctors Without Borders ♪
201
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:20,955
♪ And to really get
your donors givin' ♪
202
00:09:20,955 --> 00:09:24,394
♪ Your charity needs a ribbon ♪
203
00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:25,497
♪ It should be something blue ♪
204
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:28,436
♪ This one here will do ♪
205
00:09:28,436 --> 00:09:29,973
♪ Get the ribbons everywhere ♪
206
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:32,879
♪ So there's not a patch
of bareness ♪
207
00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:35,618
♪ Once everyone is sick of it ♪
208
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,456
♪ We've reached
peak awareness. ♪
209
00:09:38,456 --> 00:09:40,594
Oh.
210
00:09:40,594 --> 00:09:42,999
I love our new offices.
211
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,669
Well, it used to be
a WeWork space,
212
00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:47,675
then a Theranos lab,
then production offices
213
00:09:47,675 --> 00:09:50,013
for the WeWork
and Theranos TV shows.
214
00:09:50,013 --> 00:09:52,752
Those businesses must have been
such successes
215
00:09:52,752 --> 00:09:55,457
to have TV shows
made about them.
216
00:09:55,457 --> 00:09:56,960
Mm.
217
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:00,935
Is it a little strange that
218
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:03,874
everyone has to walk through my
office to get to the bathroom?
219
00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:06,345
That's your private bathroom.
220
00:10:06,345 --> 00:10:08,784
(gasps) A husbandless bathroom?
221
00:10:08,784 --> 00:10:10,921
I won't need a candle.
222
00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:12,892
Our "Feeling Blue"
awareness campaign
223
00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:14,996
is really hitting its stride.
224
00:10:14,996 --> 00:10:17,635
Look at all these products
supporting our cause
225
00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,672
with our copyrighted
shade of blue:
226
00:10:19,672 --> 00:10:21,743
blue shampoo, blue conditioner,
227
00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:24,014
blue shampoo plus conditioner,
228
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,354
and Boo Berry cereal will be
called Blueberry cereal.
229
00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,657
LISA:
Mom.
230
00:10:28,657 --> 00:10:30,059
Look at all these people.
231
00:10:30,059 --> 00:10:33,432
Our little charity
has become big.
232
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:34,903
Check out our official symbol.
233
00:10:34,903 --> 00:10:37,809
It's the same ribbon we use
to tie the blue bags.
234
00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:38,911
They've become so popular
235
00:10:38,911 --> 00:10:42,450
we've completely
run out of ribbons.
236
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:45,758
So what do you tie
the bags with?
237
00:10:45,758 --> 00:10:48,129
Well, we're a little behind
in our bag making,
238
00:10:48,129 --> 00:10:49,933
but we've been doing something
even more important:
239
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:53,239
raising awareness
about our bag making.
240
00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:56,913
This is all very impressive,
but do we really need
241
00:10:56,913 --> 00:10:57,815
a headquarters this big?
242
00:10:57,815 --> 00:11:01,455
Oh, this isn't gonna be
our headquarters.
243
00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:02,825
This is.
244
00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:05,496
How on earth are we
paying for that?
245
00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:09,539
With a generous deduction--
I mean, I mean, donation--
246
00:11:09,539 --> 00:11:13,212
from our Royal Blue level donor:
Mr. Burns.
247
00:11:13,212 --> 00:11:16,987
What? He is the biggest
polluter in town.
248
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:24,569
Excellent.
249
00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:27,140
Honey, if we don't accept
the money,
250
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:28,744
he'll just give it
to someone else,
251
00:11:28,744 --> 00:11:32,752
like the Salvation Army.
(groans)
252
00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:35,858
We have to return Burns's money.
253
00:11:35,858 --> 00:11:37,862
Return the money?
254
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,500
While you and Dad were tromping
around in the mountains,
255
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,103
I was building an organization
256
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:44,576
that can make
real change happen.
257
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:46,111
With what? This?
258
00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:50,119
Mom, you're just allowing
evil companies to appear ethical
259
00:11:50,119 --> 00:11:52,959
by slapping our color
on their product.
260
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:56,465
It's bluewashing.
That doesn't help the homeless.
261
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,704
We call them the unhoused.
262
00:11:58,704 --> 00:12:00,908
I call them the unhoused!
263
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,945
Ugh! You've lost sight
264
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:05,584
of my vision for this charity.
265
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,855
I thought it was our charity.
266
00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:10,426
Well, it's my name on the wall.
267
00:12:10,426 --> 00:12:12,030
Well, it's my hair color.
268
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:15,036
- It's Clairol's color!
- (gasps)
269
00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:18,242
Okay, this clearly
got out of hand.
270
00:12:18,242 --> 00:12:21,081
Why don't we take
a little breather.
271
00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:24,756
Okay, have we both calmed down?
272
00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:26,458
I don't need to calm down.
273
00:12:26,458 --> 00:12:27,294
I'm your mother.
274
00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:29,933
I think I know you better
than you know yourself.
275
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:31,636
Oh, you're making
my future therapist
276
00:12:31,636 --> 00:12:35,276
so rich right now.
277
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,546
Maybe we should take
278
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,684
a little bit longer of a break.
279
00:12:38,684 --> 00:12:40,788
Same time tomorrow.
280
00:12:42,424 --> 00:12:43,760
Okay, are you better?
281
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,798
(groaning)
282
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,041
Okay, this feels good.
283
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:53,814
I think that last break
was the clincher.
284
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:56,553
One more and we get
a free sundae. (chuckles)
285
00:12:56,553 --> 00:12:57,989
I have some good news.
286
00:12:57,989 --> 00:12:59,993
The board has decided
to promote you
287
00:12:59,993 --> 00:13:02,665
to "The Lisa M. Simpson Foundation
288
00:13:02,665 --> 00:13:05,638
Founder Emeritus."
289
00:13:05,638 --> 00:13:08,309
Wait... emeritus?
290
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,879
I know what that means.
291
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,850
You're firing me?
292
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:14,589
No, we're just
de-responsibilitizing you.
293
00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:16,760
Congratulations.
294
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,362
Here's your check.
295
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:20,734
Would you like to round up
with a donation
296
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,805
to the Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation?
297
00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:26,245
No! I never want to hear
that name again.
298
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:30,688
It's my favorite student,
Lisa M. Simpson.
299
00:13:30,688 --> 00:13:32,825
- (grunts)
- (muffled groan)
300
00:13:32,825 --> 00:13:36,298
There, now you got ice cream.
Let's go.
301
00:13:39,338 --> 00:13:42,110
Yeah, I heard about
what happened.
302
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,281
That I was forced out
by my own mother
303
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,020
from the charity
we created together?
304
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,024
I've never been fired before.
305
00:13:49,024 --> 00:13:51,161
What am I supposed to do?
306
00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:54,802
You don't know how long
I've been waiting for this.
307
00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:56,171
Finally,
I can pass down to my kids
308
00:13:56,171 --> 00:14:00,113
my vast knowledge about
what I'm truly amazing at:
309
00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:02,818
- being canned.
- Really?
310
00:14:02,818 --> 00:14:06,125
Oh, being fired is basically
my job these days.
311
00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,930
In fact, I was fired yesterday
because of all the time I took
312
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,366
looking for ingredients
with you.
313
00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,872
(scoffs) At least you don't
have to live in the same house
314
00:14:12,872 --> 00:14:15,209
as the jerk who fired you.
315
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:16,412
Ah, anger.
316
00:14:16,412 --> 00:14:19,585
The first stage in the
five stages of getting fired.
317
00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:21,990
Oh, so there's
a process to this?
318
00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:23,259
What's stage two?
319
00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:25,764
Pretending you still have a job.
320
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,269
MARGE:
Homer, can you take out the garbage?
321
00:14:28,269 --> 00:14:31,275
Oh, sorry, honey.
I'm late for work. Let's go.
322
00:14:33,145 --> 00:14:35,951
So, how long do we have to sit
in this coffee shop?
323
00:14:35,951 --> 00:14:38,690
Until my boss realizes
he made a huge mistake firing me
324
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:40,026
and begs me to come back,
325
00:14:40,026 --> 00:14:42,832
but instead
I pour macaroni salad
326
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:44,569
into his sunroof.
327
00:14:44,569 --> 00:14:46,506
Wasn't anger stage one?
328
00:14:46,506 --> 00:14:48,175
That was righteous anger.
329
00:14:48,175 --> 00:14:50,681
This is misdirected anger!
(grunts)
330
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:54,254
Ah, stage three.
331
00:14:56,091 --> 00:15:00,399
Hi, Lisa. I see you're
still on the couch.
332
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,402
How you doing?
333
00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:04,441
I'd be doing a lot better
if you moved that body
334
00:15:04,441 --> 00:15:06,245
I "ruined in childbirth."
335
00:15:06,245 --> 00:15:08,449
- I ruined it first. (slurps)
- (sighs)
336
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:12,858
Lisa and I aren't supposed to
have doomsday fights like this
337
00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:14,428
until she's 14.
338
00:15:14,428 --> 00:15:17,400
She always was precocious.
(sighs) Oh...
339
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,206
Now all she does
is lie around watching TV.
340
00:15:20,206 --> 00:15:23,479
That's stage four:
"glowering without showering."
341
00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:26,653
But don't worry,
we're almost at stage five:
342
00:15:26,653 --> 00:15:28,322
"reluctant acceptance."
343
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:29,257
You'll have your daughter back,
344
00:15:29,257 --> 00:15:32,898
and I won't have to
keep making up stages.
345
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,236
Hey, Mom, I wanted to say...
346
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,708
you worked so hard
to make our charity
347
00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:39,311
a successful organization.
348
00:15:39,311 --> 00:15:41,315
And then I came in
criticizing it
349
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:44,454
and making you feel bad.
I'm sorry.
350
00:15:44,454 --> 00:15:46,526
Oh, sweetie.
351
00:15:46,526 --> 00:15:47,962
Mm, mm.
352
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:49,599
So, I'll see you
at the grand opening
353
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:53,874
of the Lisa M. Simpson
Foundation Headquarters tonight?
354
00:15:53,874 --> 00:15:55,878
Of course.
355
00:15:55,878 --> 00:15:57,781
I'm proud of you, honey.
356
00:15:57,781 --> 00:15:59,785
You're now ready for stage six:
357
00:15:59,785 --> 00:16:02,157
buy podcasting equipment
358
00:16:02,157 --> 00:16:04,929
but never unbox it.
359
00:16:04,929 --> 00:16:07,968
And we successfully sued
Pabst Blue Ribbon
360
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,605
for using our trademark symbol.
361
00:16:09,605 --> 00:16:13,345
From now on, they'll be known
as Pabst Teal Fabric Bow.
362
00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:16,285
Our awareness is at
an all-time high.
363
00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:19,357
That's great. I guess now
we can put our efforts
364
00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:21,696
into helping people
on the streets.
365
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:27,173
As the wife of a surgeon,
I'm all about helping people,
366
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:29,979
but we're a mega-successful
nonprofit,
367
00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:31,549
not some charity.
368
00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:34,187
As the wife of a radiologist,
I agree.
369
00:16:34,187 --> 00:16:36,526
But what about
all the big donations...
370
00:16:36,526 --> 00:16:39,364
I mean deductions
we got from companies
371
00:16:39,364 --> 00:16:42,203
for letting them put our logo
on their products?
372
00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:44,876
Marge, we didn't get money
for that.
373
00:16:44,876 --> 00:16:47,247
The companies paid us
in awareness.
374
00:16:47,247 --> 00:16:50,353
But when do we start
helping people?
375
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,593
My wife's a dermatologist.
376
00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,953
Oh, God, Lisa was right.
377
00:17:06,953 --> 00:17:09,424
We have been bluewashing.
378
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:14,602
I don't deserve to walk
on the blue carpet.
379
00:17:14,602 --> 00:17:16,405
Take me around back.
380
00:17:17,975 --> 00:17:21,281
Mm, all this opulence
is making me queasy.
381
00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:24,221
Oh, Lisa, queasiness
is just hunger in disguise,
382
00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:26,458
like how a hangover
means you should drink more.
383
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:29,865
Okay, boy, what's your intel
on the passed app situation?
384
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,401
We got mini quiches on our six
385
00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,272
and ahi tuna cones
at ten and two.
386
00:17:33,272 --> 00:17:36,311
Fan out, and don't fall
for the bruschetta.
387
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,315
It's a trap to fill you up.
388
00:17:38,315 --> 00:17:41,288
It's an honor to be
your chicken wing man.
389
00:17:41,288 --> 00:17:43,359
♪
390
00:17:50,674 --> 00:17:51,441
(groans softly)
391
00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:54,447
Gil? What are you doing here?
392
00:17:54,447 --> 00:17:57,086
I thought our blue bag
turned your life around.
393
00:17:57,086 --> 00:17:59,692
Ah, well, it did, for a bit,
but then they demolished
394
00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:02,932
the low-income housing
I was living in to build that.
395
00:18:02,932 --> 00:18:05,202
Now ol' Gil is homeless.
396
00:18:05,202 --> 00:18:06,873
You mean unhoused?
397
00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,944
I'm living in a tent
on a sidewalk
398
00:18:08,944 --> 00:18:11,014
and people yell at me
for it every day.
399
00:18:11,014 --> 00:18:12,651
I can call it whatever I want.
400
00:18:12,651 --> 00:18:15,590
(grunts)
401
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:19,297
(orchestra playing
classical music)
402
00:18:19,297 --> 00:18:20,834
- (strings scratch)
- (music stops)
403
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:25,711
And here's the CEO of
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation,
404
00:18:25,711 --> 00:18:27,146
Marge Simpson.
405
00:18:27,146 --> 00:18:29,084
(cheering)
406
00:18:29,084 --> 00:18:31,656
I would like to thank
all of you for coming.
407
00:18:31,656 --> 00:18:35,229
Actually, I would like to judge
all of you for coming.
408
00:18:35,229 --> 00:18:36,633
- Huh?
- (overlapping chatter)
409
00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:40,206
This charity was supposed
to help the homeless.
410
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,876
Instead,
we evicted people to build
411
00:18:41,876 --> 00:18:43,847
this extravagant headquarters,
412
00:18:43,847 --> 00:18:46,719
creating more homelessness.
413
00:18:46,719 --> 00:18:47,955
More homeless on the street
414
00:18:47,955 --> 00:18:50,059
will help raise awareness.
415
00:18:50,059 --> 00:18:52,230
I'm done with raising awareness
416
00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:53,600
and with raising money
417
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,371
and with razing
low-income housing.
418
00:18:56,371 --> 00:18:59,277
It's time to turn
the Lisa M. Simpson Foundation
419
00:18:59,277 --> 00:19:00,379
over to the one person
420
00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:03,218
who knew how to run it right
all along,
421
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:05,222
Lisa Simpson.
422
00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:07,193
(overlapping chatter)
423
00:19:07,193 --> 00:19:09,497
Lisa Simpson's a real person?
424
00:19:09,497 --> 00:19:13,172
Thanks, Mom.
As co-head of this organization,
425
00:19:13,172 --> 00:19:16,278
I'm turning this building
into a shelter
426
00:19:16,278 --> 00:19:18,315
- for the unhoused.
- (crowd gasping)
427
00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:20,152
Marge, you have to
shut this down.
428
00:19:20,152 --> 00:19:23,058
No, I have to open this up.
429
00:19:23,058 --> 00:19:25,129
(overlapping chatter)
430
00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:27,166
(gasps) They don't know
which fork to use.
431
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,805
She's wearing a dress
I gave away.
432
00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:34,280
(blubbers) That's the man I had
in my windshield for a night.
433
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,084
Enough of this do-goodery.
434
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:37,588
Open your eyes, rich people.
435
00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:39,692
We're not here to help
the less fortunate,
436
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:42,430
we're here to bask
in our fortunateness.
437
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:44,267
If we really wanted
to make a difference,
438
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:47,040
we'd do the one thing
we've spent our lives avoiding,
439
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,910
paying our taxes.
440
00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:51,148
(laughter)
441
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,920
Then one organization,
"the government,"
442
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,857
could tackle all
of society's ills,
443
00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:58,630
instead of leaving it
to 1.5 million separate
444
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:02,738
ego-driven micro-bureaucracies
called "charities,"
445
00:20:02,738 --> 00:20:06,111
including-- get a load
of this scam-- religions.
446
00:20:06,111 --> 00:20:08,449
But no one here wants
the rational way.
447
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:11,288
We all want the United Way
448
00:20:11,288 --> 00:20:13,560
because that's the American way.
449
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,465
Now, I paid $10,000
for this table.
450
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,670
I'm taking it with me.
451
00:20:22,043 --> 00:20:25,584
Thank you, Mom. You did
something really great tonight.
452
00:20:25,584 --> 00:20:28,489
Now, let's turn this building
over to the homeless.
453
00:20:28,489 --> 00:20:31,696
Yes. We just need
to get this notarized.
454
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,971
LISA and MARGE:
Yee-haw!
455
00:20:36,873 --> 00:20:38,510
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
456
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:40,179
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
457
00:20:40,179 --> 00:20:41,783
and TOYOTA.
458
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:44,688
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
459
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:51,034
(screams, moans)
460
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:53,773
(laughs, shudders)
461
00:20:53,773 --> 00:20:57,146
(laughs) Ooh.
462
00:20:57,146 --> 00:20:58,817
- Ow!
- (Marge sighs)
463
00:20:58,817 --> 00:21:00,252
Mmm. (moans)
464
00:21:00,252 --> 00:21:03,292
(laughs)
465
00:21:03,292 --> 00:21:06,031
(screams) Ow! Oh!
466
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,500
(screams)
467
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:11,876
- (moans)
- (Marge sighs)
468
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:31,749
Shh!
469
00:21:31,799 --> 00:21:36,349
Repair and Synchronization by
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